Wandering through the day

So today I went to work thinking everything would be fine! Yeah right! First of all I did not sleep last night so I am exhausted. Anyway, I have been going through the motions but that is it really. I am numb. My mind is tired, my body is tired. I look horrible - like I am much older than I actually am. What is happening?? I really don't even know how I feel. I am really not angry, more like I am in shock. I really am not even hurting that much today. I have only cried a little bit. But I really don't have any feelings at all. I really don't want to talk about it or even think about it. I started looking at different paths we could take and made a few phone calls but all I could think was it is a scam and how can I believe what they are saying. Everything seems like a lie now.

I still have faith. That is the strange thing. I still know God is in charge and I have been praying, pleading all day today. I have thought several times about this is part of God's plan and that he knows best but the uncertainty is the hard part.

I am having chest pains and my heart is beating really, really fast off and on! I think I am just numb and in shock. What is going to happen when the shock wears off?

We are still praying for the local birth mother and her family that we have been in contact with. They are still trying to make decisions and considering their options. Continue to pray for them. Jeff and I both want what is best for that family. If that is the way God leads us we will use a local agency or attorney to complete the adoption. We know that this young couple is going through a hard time and we are praying for them to have peace of mind no matter what decisions they make. Of course, we are praying this is our baby! I am really excited about the possibilities that a close placement would bring. We would be able to have contact (if the birth mother or her family) wishes, the baby would have a better sense of who they are if we could stay in contact. Just pray for all of us during this time!

Jeff and I need all the pray you can offer! Life is hard lately!