OK......so today I have had the Adoption Funk or Adoption Blues. I don't really know why! I think it is just the realization that the new year has started and we still don't have a baby. Of course the year is full of hope for a baby but what if this time next year we are still waiting? Last year I had hoped this would be our first Christmas with a baby but it didn't happen. This is just so hard emotionally! If you have not been through adoption or infertility you have no clue! There is no way to explain the waiting! Jeff and I know that it will happen in God's time and we are totally good with that but the waiting is still hard some days. People can be so insensitive - just deal with seems to be the attitude of most people and that is easier said than done. I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago for just my annual physical and I told the nurse I was feeling a little down. She told me to go to my church and cook cookies with other peoples children. I am not kidding! That was her answer! That and "this is not about you". Not really sure what that meant! Needless to say I left the office feeling like a big dummy for even saying anything much less feeling the way I do!
I sit and wait for the phone to ring! I carry my cell phone everywhere because the agency may need to contact me! I check my email constantly because we may have a birth mother that has contacted us. I fuss at Jeff because he leaves his phone at home (rarely but sometimes) and what if the agency can't contact me on my phone (that is always at arms reach even when I am asleep) and they try to call him and he doesn't answer and we miss our baby. In reality I know all of this doesn't matter because God is in charge and when it is time he will get us in touch with each no matter what! I know that! I really do! And I pray all day everyday for strength, wisdom, our birth mother, and for me and Jeff! I know God has it under control!
But sometimes I get the Adoption Blues!
Keep Praying!
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I am so sorry. I can't believe the nurse told you to go to church and bake with other people's kids? What? Are you kidding me.
ReplyDeleteI ran across your blog and I was very moved by your post. I am so sorry for your sad time right now. I am so sorry for your lack of support from that nurse! I think sometimes people try to quickly solve a hurt rather then just being comfortable in being there and listening. While I was waiting for adoption, I put on a face of strength, but internally I was nerotically blue...I admire you for being able to express yourself even when it isn't so much fun. I pray that this new year will be your adoption miracle year!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Becca
Oh Kim, I hope that you are feeling better by now. Yes, people say stupid things. We forgive them because they just don't understand what it is like, it really is one of those rare cases when there are so many people who have never even considered what it is like to rely on a stranger making a series of rare and difficult decisions in order for your family to grow.
ReplyDeletePeople think they feel helpless if they can't help their child with a problem or a pain they are facing. I try to help them understand how helpless we feel as we wait for our birth parents, wait for our child, just wait.
This year will bring good luck and miracles to both of us.